Thursday, August 11, 2016

LOMEO & JURIET (Act II, Scene 2) ~ Terangslated from the Shakespeare into Proper Manglish by Antares


The Story So Far

There has been little peace in the new township of Jinjang Utara ever since the long-drawn and gruesome War of the Seafood Palaces caused a serious rift between two influential clans – the Ngs and the Chans. At a lavish Chap Goh Meh party hosted by Datuk Chan, trouble brews when a bunch of rowdies from the Ng clan decide to gatecrash and are immediately spotted. Not wishing to ruin the festivities, Datuk Chan orders his hotheaded nephew and his gang to ignore the intruders. And so, while the rest of the guests are merrily lambadaing the night away, Lomeo Ng (youngest son of Towkay Ng) encounters the lovely Juriet Chan (favorite daughter of Datuk Chan) and Fate (or Biochemistry and/or Electromagnetism) takes over. They fall desperately (or rise ecstatically) in love; and after the party Lomeo finds himself drawn to the luxurious Chan Villa where, as our hero lurks libidinously in the shadows, he sees the moonstruck Juriet on her second floor balcony, sighing and calling for her true love…


                               Shakespearean                                                      Manglish

JUL:  O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.
JUR:  Aiya Lomeo, Lomeo! Where are you ah, Lomeo? Donkair your farder lah, simply chain your name olidi can; udderwise ah, you plomise to love me orways and I will tlade in my surname Chan.
ROM:  [Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
LOM: [Aside] Watudu ah, keep quiet and rissen summore, or say hurro to her now?
JUL: 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy: thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. O, be some other name. What's in a name? That which we call a rose  by any other name would smell as sweet; so Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, and for that name, which is no part of thee, take all myself.
JUR: Your name oni got ploblem one; you yourself okay, so what your family name called Ng. Arfter all, what is Ng? Not your finger, or your foot, or your nose, or your toes, or any udder part of you called Ng wat. Aiya, why notchew call yourself some udder name? Name is name oni wat. Loh’s frower we call sumting else steel smelling nice wat; so Lomeo oso nice, sahpose he not called Lomeo Ng, evelyting about him ngam-ngam oni. Lomeo, cancer your name lah; your name not rike gum to your body wat. Give up the Ng and take me lah.
ROM: I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I'll be new baptis'd; henceforth I never will be Romeo.
LOM: Orait lah, I take , I take! You oni have to call me sayang, and olidi I got new name; Lomeo Ng habis!
JUL: What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night, so stumblest on my counsel?
JUR: Alamak! Got olang minyak or wat? Who de hell are you ah, and why you spy on me one?
ROM: By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: my name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee. Had I it written, I would tear the word.
LOM: My name I skad to tell you, bekos now I oso hate my name: arfturds you ting I am your anneemee, dear moon goddess. Sahpose my name wlite on piece of paper, better I tear it up.
JUL: My ears have yet not drunk a hundred words of thy tongue's uttering, yet I know the sound. Art thou not Romeo, and a Montague?
JUR: Oni a few words flom your mouf enter my ear, but olidi I know your voice: you are Lomeo, your farder Towkay Ng, istlu ornot?
ROM: Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike.
LOM: Not tlue, cantik, if you doan rike my farder name or mais one.
JUL:  How cam'st thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb, and the place death, considering who thou art, if any of my kinsmen find thee here.
JUR: How you kum here and waffor, yutelme? Got high-high wall outside, summore bubwire and 24-hour sikhulity; dailah, sahpose my family catch you.
ROM: With love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold love out, and what love can do, that dares love attempt: therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me.
LOM: My hut feeling so right one, can fry olidi; so hauken stonewall stop me? Bekos of love lah I bekum helo, and helo kennot die one.
JUL:  If they do see thee, they will murder thee.
JUR: Aiyo, eef my brudders see you ah, dey weel hantam you kau-kau.
ROM: Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye than twenty of their swords. Look thou but sweet and I am proof against their enmity.
LOM: Adoi, your rooks arone enuf to kill, no nid twenty palangs and bearing sclaper; you rook so sweet, hauken anyone fill beetter?
JUL:  I would not for the world they saw thee here.
JUR: Better dey doan see you here, udderwise mampus lah.
ROM: I have night's cloak to hide me from their eyes, and, but thou love me, let them find me here; my life were better ended by their hate than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.
LOM: So dark one, how dey can see me? And eef you doan love me, better dey catch me; better to die flom their hate dan leeve widout your love.
JUL:  By whose direction found'st thou out this place?
JUR: Who show you de way here?
ROM: By love, that first did prompt me to enquire. He lent me counsel, and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot, yet, wert thou as far as that vast shore wash'd with the furthest sea, I should adventure for such merchandise.
LOM: Love lah, love orways find a way, izzenit? I kennot dlive Ploton or sail boat or fry aeloplane, but even eef you leeve overseas, steel I weel find you; how far oso nevermain, I doan brarf you.
JUL:  Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face, else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek for that which thou hast heard me speak tonight. Fain would I dwell on form; fain, fain deny what I have spoke. But farewell compliment.

Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay', and I will take thy word. Yet, if thou swear'st,\ thou mayst prove false. At lovers' perjuries, they say, Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo, if thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully: or if thou thinkest I am too quickly won, I'll frown, and be perverse, and say thee nay, so thou wilt woo: but else, not for the world. In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond; and therefore thou mayst think my 'haviour light: but trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true than those that have more cunning to be strange. I should have been more strange, I must confess, but that thou overheard'st, ere I was 'ware, my true-love passion: therefore pardon me; and not impute this yielding to light love which the dark night hath so discovered.
JUR: Lucky tonight vely dark, so you kennot see my chik turn led-led one olidi. Aiya, shy oni lah wat you hear me spik just now! But wat I said you olidi hear, so nemmain lah; no nid to pletend anymore, too rate to save face.

You love me ornot? Sure lah, you say yes; can sumpah summore, but mebbe tipu oni. The God oso he orways raughing at peeple’s plomises of love. Aiya Lomeo, tell me tluly one lah: you love me ornot? Sahpose yuting I am too easy to get? Mebbe I better talik harga and say dowan! Den you weel chase a bit lah; but I oso dowan to lun too fast. Ackchwurly, my dear Mr Ng, I feel vely geli lah: plis doan ting I am phooling alaun wid you, I am vely stletford one, my hut kennot chit people one, not rike dose womans wid swit-swit tongues. Mebbe sum people weel say I am too flenly to you, a stlanger summore, but olidi you heard me saying all kind of tings, so nemmain lah. Solly ah, I kennot acting one: I give myself to you, even doh I kennot see you one, so gelap tonight.
ROM: Lady, by yonder blessed moon I vow, that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops…
LOM: Chah Bor, I sumpah by the silver moon which makes all de tlees in your garden shiny
JUL: O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.
JUR: Cheh, doan sumpah by the moon, he not vely steady one, evely week chain size and shape. Arfturds your love rike dat oso, den how?
ROM: What shall I swear by?
LOM: Den how to swear?
JUL: Do not swear at all. Or if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe thee.
JUR: Better not to swear at all; or else you sumpah on your own hut, which is the awltar where I can pray; like dat I can belif lah.
ROM: If my heart's dear love...
LOM: Sahpose my hut pumping too hard…
JUL: Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract to-night: it is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden; too like the lightning, which doth cease to be ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night! This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest come to thy heart as that within my breast!
JUR: Aiyah, den doan swear lah. I am vely happy to see you, but not so happy to see you rike dis: hauken so fast, so culi-culi one, rike rightning which doan last more dan a few seckands. Let us meet again later lah, and see eef dis tender fluit of love is masak ornot. Now our lomance rike frower bud oni, not open foolly yet. So I say goonight; go home and sreep first, okay?
ROM: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
LOM: Aiyo, I nochet satisfied.
JUL: What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?
JUR: How you wan me to satisfy you?
ROM: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
LOM: I wan to hear you sumpah your love for me.
JUL: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it: and yet I would it were to give again.
JUR: Podah, oridi swear wat, even before you arsk. But you wan, I can swear again, no ploblem. I take back my plomise.
ROM: Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love?
LOM: Oi, doan take back lah; waffor you take back?
JUL: But to be frank, and give it thee again. And yet I wish but for the thing I have: my bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite. [Nurse calls within] I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu! Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true. Stay but a little, I will come again. [Exit]
JUR: So I can geeve you again lah, bodoh. But you got olidi wat. Arfterall I filling open rike the sea, and my love vely deep one you know: I geeve and geeve you, steel kennot habis, just rike sea orways got water one. [Amah calls from insideSomeone bising olidi. Okay lah, sayang, goodbye! - Ah Soh, why you shouting? – Mr Ng, manis, you wait reetle while ah, I come out again. [Exit]
ROM: O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard. Being in night, all this is but a dream, too flattering-sweet to be substantial.
LOM: Wah, shiok oni lah! Hope I am not dleaming oni; why I so rucky bugger one?
[Re-enter JULIET, above]
JUL: Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed. If that thy bent of love be honourable, thy purpose marriage, send me word tomorrow, by one that I'll procure to come to thee, where and what time thou wilt perform the rite; and all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay and follow thee my lord throughout the world.

NURSE [Within]: Madam!

JUL:  I come, anon. -- But if thou mean'st not well, I do beseech thee --

NURSE [Within]: Madam!

JUL: By and by, I come: -- To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief: to-morrow will I send.
[Re-enter JURIET on 3rd floor of Chan Villa]
JUR: Tlee words more, Lomeo sayang, or mebbe tlee hundled; den distaim really goonight oridi. Eef you love me enuf to marry me ah, tomollow you must pass me message  showing orspeeshus date and which lestoran we can have beeg dinner; and my holaif I weel put infrun of you lah, and all alaun de world I weel forrow you.

AMAH [Within]: Meees!

JUR: Kahming, kahming – But eef you are not really selious one, aitelyu –

AMAH [Within]: Meees Juriiiiet!

JUR: Okay, okay lah!stop praying dis game and let me suffer hut pain by myself. Tomollow I contact you ah.
ROM: So thrive my soul --
LOM: Hweeyoh, my hut so happy can die one --
JUL: A thousand times good night! [Exit, above]
JUR: Goonight, goonight, lepeat one tausend taims goonight! [Closing 3rd floor window]
ROM: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light. Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books, but love from love, toward school with heavy looks.
LOM: One tausend taims more susah to see you go away. Love ah, going near love orways rike rong weekend coming up; but when love reaving love ah, just rike must go for extla tuition.
                                                 
Antares © 1995-2016

Antares now heads the Department of Advanced Manglish at the University of Pertak. He has initiated a RM42 million program to "terangslate" the World's Great Books into Manglish - which has yet to be formally acknowledged as Malaysia's de facto national language, even though many have actively campaigned for this since 1989. 

The infamous balcony scene in Manglish from Lomeo & Juriet has twice been staged in Kuala Lumpur. It also inspired a full-scale Malaysian adaptation in 2005 by Gavin Yap, titled Romi & Joo Lee (dan lain-lain)

Thanks to Sheryll Stodhart (glowingly described by an Umno rightwing dickhead as a "diehard socialist, Anwar Ibrahim apologist, and rabid anti-government writer") and Men's Review for being the first to publish my Manglish-Lit series in 1995.


[First posted 2 October 2012]

4 comments:

Pat said...

Man, you're good, Antares!

Taikohtai said...

Y you so bad one AnTaLis. I normalee take too minit to lead your artikle but tis time it took me twanti minit and thee panadoor.

masterymistery said...

It took me a little more than twanti minit and thee panadoor, but like Taikohtai, I enjoyed it very much.

masterymistery at
cosmic rapture

Hussein abdul Hamid said...

Good one Bro...posted both your "epic" production on my blog...too good not too share with others, regards.

HH