Thursday, March 15, 2018

Reposting THE BARD IN MANGLISH ~ Julius Caesar (Act I, Scene 2)

Who said kennot? You orways tink defler Shakespeare wankain hard to understand, so waffor you bodder to read de bladibarger? No ploblem lah – now oridi terangslated into Proper Manglish, so seemple oni. Got no space to print de hole ting, eggcerpt enough lah. Dis one from Julius Caesar. Vely famous one dis play  - got murder, got politics, but sorry lah, no sex (becos in Italy ah, got Mona Lisa but no Mona Fandey, remember her ornot, Rosmah’s infamous step-aunty?) Wen people see you reading dis dey weel tink you got cowture wan. Orait man!

Shakespearean                            Manglish
Caesar: Let me have men about me that are fat; sleek-headed men, and such as sleep o’ nights. Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look; he thinks too much. Such men are dangerous.
Caesar: Aiseh betayuall fatty bom-bom makan all de taim one; Brylcreem your hair lah, and at night sleeping like a pig oni. Defler Cassius orways looking so skeeny like one year never eat; orways tinking too much. Aitelyu ah, dis kain of fler helluva dangerous.
Antony: Fear him not, Caesar, he’s not dangerous; he is a noble Roman, and well given.
Antony: Aiyah, Caesar, no nid to skad him one, hauken defler dangerous? He got class one, orways spik nicely and wearing stylo one.
Caesar: Would he were fatter! But I fear him not, Yet if my name were liable to fear, I do not know the man I should avoid so soon as that spare Cassius. He reads much. He is a great observer, and he looks quite through the deeds of men.

He loves no plays, as thou dost, Antony; he hears no music, seldom he smiles, and as if he mock’d himself, and scorn’d his spirit that could be mov’d to smile at anything. Such men as he be never at heart’s ease whiles they behold a greater than themselves, and therefore they are evry dangerous.

I rather tell thee what is to be fear’d than what I fear; for always I am Caesar. Come on my right hand, for this ear is deaf, and tell me truly what thou think’st of him.
Caesar: I oni weesh we can call him fatso! But ackchwurly I not skad him. Say oni lah, sahposing I am a takut fler, I woon go near dat bamboo-stick Cassius. Orways reading book, see everyting wankain oni, aitelyu nobody can blarf de bladibarger one.

Never fool araun, not like you lah, Antony; he never lissen music. Seldom oni smailing, and wen he smail, like buaya oni, tweested lah, I tink maybe defler doan like himself or wat, as if oni stoopid ijiot like to smail one. Flers like dat ah, kennot relak one – until dey bekum Nombor Satu. Dat’s why aiseh very dangerous.

Oni telling you why you must wochaut lah – not to say I am skad of any barger; hauken Caesar skad, I arsk you? Eh, you come over here, my left ear got lobang kennot hear properly. Den you tell me frankly spikking wat yuting of defler.
[Sennet. Exeunt Caesar & his Train.]

Casca: You pulled me by the cloak. Would you speak with me?
[Kompang. Caesar & his Member semua keluar.]

Casca: Why you catch my sarong? You wan to tok, tok lah, doan pull my baju ok?
Brutus: Ay, Casca; tell me what hath chanc’d today, that Caesar looks so sad
Brutus: Ya, Casca; wat happen just now ah, why Caesar looking wankain teruk oni?
Casca: Why, you were with him, were you not?
Casca: I thot you saw oso wat, waffor you arsk me?
Brutus: I should not then ask Casca what had chanc’d.
Brutus: No, man, dat’s why arsking you.
Casca: Why, there was a crown offer’d him; and being offer’d him, he put it by with the back of his hand, thus; and then the people fell a-shouting.
Casca: Aiyah, people gif him chan to wear de Agong’s hat, but defler push away with his hand, like dis; and den de people bising lah.
Brutus: What was the second noise for?
Brutus: Seckand taim why dey shout?
Casca: Why, for that too.
Casca: Same ting lah.
Cassius: They shouted thrice; what was the last cry for?
Cassius: Shouting tree taims wat, I hear; so wat happen ah?
Casca: Why, for that too.
Casca: Same story lah, yutingwat.
Brutus: Was the crown offer’d him thrice?
Brutus: Wah, tree taims ah, dey awfer him Agong’s hat?
Casca: Ay, marry, was’t, and he put it by thrice, every time gentler than other; and at every putting by mine honest neighbours shouted.
Casca: Yala, no joke, man; and defler say dowan tree taims, everytaim more slowly lah, tarik harga lah; and ofcoslah everytaim he do like dat, our rakyat setia bising oni.
Cassius: Who offer’d him the crown?
Cassius: Who awfer him de Agong’s hat?
Casca: Why, Antony.
Casca: Who else, Antony lah.
Brutus: Tell us the manner of it, gentle Casca.
Brutus: Plis gif us blow-by-blow akaun, saudara Casca.
Casca: I can as well be hang’d as tell the manner of it; it was mere foolery; I did not mark it. I saw Mark Antony offer him a crown – yet ‘twas not a crown neither, ‘twas one of these coronets – and, as I told you, he put it by once; but for all that, to my thinking, he would fain have had it.

Then he offer’d it to him again; then he put it by again; but to my thinking, he was very loath to lay his fingers off it. And then he offer’d it the third time; he put it the third time by; and still as he refus’d it, the rabblement hooted, and clapp’d their chopt hands, and threw up their sweaty night-caps, and uttered such a deal of stinking breath because Caesar refus’d the crown, that it almost choked Caesar; for he swooned and fell down at it. 

And for mine own part I durst not laugh, for fear of opening my lips and receiving the bad air.
Casca: Aiyah, wasting taim oni, all for show one lah, yuting I doan know ah. Dat barger Mark Antony gif him see de Agong’s hat –ackchwurly not the real ting lah, fancy baseball cap oni – and like aiseh, first taim he push aside lah; but look like secretly ah, defler wannit lah.

Den again he awfer him; den again he push aside; but frankly spikking ah, defler dam reluktan to let go, man. And den de turd taim he awfer; and still de barger refuse. So de stoopid rakyat start bellowing like kerbau, and clapping like bladifools lah, and dey all chuck their smelly songkoks in the air, and bising like baboon kena belacan until Caesar awmos kennot stand; defler pengsan, man, and fall down lah. 

I myself ah, I dare not to open my maut and laugh oso – arfturds I kena sial punya angin.
Cassius: But soft, I pray you. What, did Caesar swoon?
Cassius: Alamak, you min de barsket Caesar pengsan ah?
Casca: He fell down in the market-place, and foam’d at mouth, and was speechless.
Casca: He collapse infrun of KLSE, boy, his maut got white-white ting coming out, and kennot spik oridi.
Brutus: ‘Tis very like. He hath the falling sickness.
Brutus: I am not surprais lah. Defler got weak heart wat.
Cassius: No, Caesar hath it not; but you, and I, and honest Casca, we have the falling sickness.
Cassius: Aitelyu frankly one, not Caesar lah; but I, and you, and our goodfren Casca, we are de bladibargers who got weak hearts.
Casca: I know not what you mean by that, but I am sure Caesar fell down. If the rag-tag people did not clap him and hiss him, according as he pleas’d and displeas’d them, as they use to do the players in the theatre, I am no true man.
Casca: Doan tokkok lah, I doan booshit you, aitelyu Caesar conked out, boy. Aiyo, dose bladi peasants tink it’s all wayang kulit show, cheering and booing like chewren see cartoon oni, you doan belif me you can tell me to go and fark spaider.
Antares © 1995-2018

Et tu, Brute? Then fall, Caesar! | Pukimamak! Mukhriz dan Muh.... mampuslah!
[First posted 5 October 2012. Reposted 5 March 2014 & 19 April 2015]

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Passing Wind & The Paranormal Music Society ~ featuring Linsey Pollak @ Professor Squealy Deetbum!

One of the most amazing artists I had the privilege of bumping into in 1991 on my first visit to Australia (sponsored by the Department of Cultural Affairs) was a muso named Linsey Pollak, who happened to be creating some music for Doppio Teatro (a trilingual touring theatre company founded by Teresa Crea) .

I knew he was amazing within minutes of our meeting. How so? I showed him my Balinese flutes and he tried one out and instantly was able to coax the sweetest sounds out of it. At the time I didn't know Linsey could coax sweet sounds out of garden hoses and broomsticks. Linsey gave me a cassette his group - the Paranormal Music Society - had recently released, which featured Linsey playing, among other odd instruments, the kitchen sink and a rubber glove gaida (a miniature bagpipe made from a surgical glove - that's right, another Pollak invention).

Twenty-one years later, I chance upon Linsey Pollak yet again - this time on YouTube. Actually, I was looking for some inspiring music to feature on this blog and did a search for the Paranormals. The original band seems to have disappeared - but Linsey Pollak is just as amazing and musically alive as ever, perhaps even more so. Indeed, I regard this unassuming genius as one of the most masterful musicians I have ever been inspired by. Linsey Pollak certainly gives Didier Malherbe (wind instrumentalist with Gong) and Jan Garbarek a jolly good run for their money... and he's a damn lot funnier!

The Paranormal Music Society consisted of: Professor Crivici (Romano Crivici) on keys and violin; Frank Brutal (Blair Greenberg) on percussion and guitar; and Denis Bland (Linsey Pollak) on winds (of many persuasions). The Paranormals (as they were fondly called) had a cult following in Sydney and were known for channeling the works of dead composers (especially Hidegarde Spumoni, a lesser known Baroque composer) and playing music whose notes were determined by rolls of a giant dice. They improvised requests called out by the audience. Things like: the pinnacle guinea pig races, haddock, Bob Marley goes to Turkey, Rawhide and so on. They recorded two albums (but only released one, Moving On), They were a legend in their own time.

Devised by Linsey, Out of the Frying Pan was commissioned by The Out of The Box Festival in Brisbane, directed by Chris Willems and produced by Performing Lines. It created music from house and garden objects with a cast of musician/actors that included Ceri McCoy, Jorge Rico, Penny Glass, Kari and Linsey. It was a show for 3-8 year olds that created music from bottles, glasses, brooms, mops, chairs, a ladder, rubbish bins, a garden fork, an ironing board, a carrot, inflatable trousers, a hammer, a kettle, a pumpkin, etc, etc.

The Art of Food ~ solo show (1999-2002) directed by Mark Bromilow 

Ivan is a home-styled kitchen-hand with a difference. He's eccentric, hilarious and totally irresistible. And he lives in a musical world where anything is possible. From the moment Ivan walks into the kitchen, everything becomes musical: carrots, potatoes, satay sticks, meat cleavers, and even an electric drill, with which he transforms a carrot into a clarinet before our very eyes. This musical world that Ivan creates is more than a series of clever tricks. It is an aural world of depth, energy and beauty. Although the materials are disconcertingly simple, the music itself is complex, rich and emotive, ranging from energetic and percussive cross-rhythms to haunting and lyrical woodwind (or should we say vegiewind) melodies. As with his previous solo show, Knocking on Kevin's Door, Linsey uses digital technology to record sounds instantaneously so that the audience is able to see each piece being constructed layer by layer, but in this show all the sounds come from the cooking utensils and the food. The Art of Food is an aural feast, an ode to the music of everyday life, which is there for everyone who cares to open their ears.

Linsey live loops voice percussion and melodica, soloing with Rubber Glove bagpipe, Chinese bamboo flute, and kaossilator. From his solo show, Live & Loopy.

Linsey loops balloon, kaossilator and vocals, using TC Helicon VoiceLive Touch.

This piece called "Ghosting 13" (in 13/8) is from Linsey's solo show, Live & Loopy. It features the saxillo and carrot clarinet. Linsey live loops vocal percussion, bubble wrap drum, melodica and kaossilator, with solos on saxillo (a wooden soprano sax-like instrument designed and made by Linsey) plus a carrot clarinet.

Linsey Pollak drills out a carrot and turns it into a clarinet and plays it, live looping with a Boss RC20 to record 3 layers. From his solo show, Making Jam.

How to make a carrot clarinet:
overall length of carrot is 187mm
bore: 12mm. (I use a spade bit)
6 fingerholes and thumbhole are all 7mm diameter
thumbhole is 22mm from top of carrot
fingerholes are: 39mm, 54mm, 74mm, 97mm, 123mm,140mm from top of carrot
I use an alto sax mouthpiece (Yamaha 4C used in this video)
The mouthpiece is connected to the carrot with a 12mm OD tube 35mm long. (Use electrical tape to increase diameter to suit mouthpiece). Bottom of mouthpiece is at top of carrot. This design is by Linsey Pollak and has been developed since 1995.

Linsey Pollak plays "Mr Curly" (a contra bass clarinet made from garden hose) - from his show, Passing Wind, as well as the feather duster clarinet.

Linsey Pollak live loops watering can clarinet - from his solo show, Live & Loopy.

Professor Squealy Deetbum (aka Linsey Pollak) plays the Harmonic Handlebar from his solo show CYCOLOGY.

Professor Squealy Deetbum (aka Linsey Pollak) plays the bicycle seat clarinet...

Professor Squealy Deetbum (aka Linsey Pollak) plays the spokes, frame and gear cable...

Professor Squealy Deetbum (aka Linsey Pollak) plays the bicycle and accessories in the Finale from his solo show, CYCOLOGY.

Two condoms are used (one inside the other) to create the bag for this bagpipe. The chanter and drone are aluminium tubes with a membrane reed at the top of each.

[First posted 14 May 2012, reposted 3 March 2014]