Monday, March 6, 2017

From the Planet of the Monyets (once more with feelings of utter disgust)

Courtesy of

Report by Latthalilat Thamplom, Monyet News Network, 5 August 2011

Male proboscis monkey
Sepilok, 5 August. The quiet town of Sepilok in Sabah was shocked by a massive raid conducted by the Joint Animal Atrocities Investigation Society (JAAIS) at the Sepilok Orang Utan Rehabilitation Centre this morning. Witnesses reported that a team of at least 100 JAAIS officials and local police accompanied by 5 male proboscis monkeys raided the primate conservation centre at about 10 in the morning, coinciding with the orang utan feeding time.

Young orang utan traumatized
by the incident
The Director of the Sepilok Orang Utan Rehabilitation Centre, Dr Agus Salim Moguring, expressed his shock and disappointment at the raid. “We are a conservation organization, committed to rehabilitating orang utans and returning them to the wild. All we were doing at that time was feeding the orang utans and long-tailed macaques with bananas when suddenly this large group of people claiming to be from JAAIS rushed in. They took away all the bananas, harassed our staff members and took photographs of the enclosures. They were loud and rude. They never told us why they were there,” said Dr Moguring.

Dr Salihin Gungat, a researcher working with the long-tailed macaques at the centre, told Monyet News Network “we are all very upset. These JAAIS fellows are morons with their heads stuck up their asses. What harm did our orang utans do ? What wrong did the macaques do ? Tell us. They are being victimized simply because they are different. This is not acceptable in multi-species society. Orang utans and macaques are also God’s creatures.”

An extraordinary EGM of the Proboscis Monkey Society of Kinabatangan
was convened two days before the raid
In a press statement released by the JAAIS later in the afternoon, the department’s director Tn. Hj. Hassan Ibrahim Ali claimed that they received a complaint from a group of proboscis monkeys in Kinabatangan that the orang utans were plotting to take over the Kinabatangan Wildlife Sanctuary. “We cannot simply sit and wait. The proboscis monkeys lodged a complaint so we had to act before the situation got out of hand. The Orang Utans are evil, you know and we cannot allow them to control the Wildlife Sanctuary”

The proboscis monkey which lodged a complaint 
with JAAIS, accusing the orang utans of plotting 
to take over the Kinabatangan Wildlife Sanctuary
Hassan added: “During the raid we found evidence of the impending Orang Utan attack on the proboscis monkeys. Our enforcement team found stacks of banana peel and over 50 kg of Orang Utan poo which we believe will be used as weapons. So we confiscated all the peels and poo and took them back to our office. Our team also overhead the orang utans saying, “Eee ooook ouu, eeeeek” which I think means “we are going to f#*k you” – which was alarming. I think our raid was justified.”

Hassan also informed MNN that JAAIS is planning to conduct more unannounced raids at other orang utan sites in Sabah, Sarawak and Selangor. “It is our moral duty to protect all the other monkeys from the orang utans,” added Hassan before driving away to his next raid.

The Proboscis Monkey Society declined to talk to MNN’s correspondents.

Monyet News Network
Your most reliable source of unreliable news

[First posted 7 August 2011. Special thanks to
His Royal Hilariousness The Monyet King]