Friday, April 8, 2016

47 years after Apollo 11 moon landing... mystery shadow explained!


On 20 July 1969, NASA's Apollo 11 mission landed Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin on the moon. It was Armstrong who uttered the famous words: "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." 

Nobody noticed in the initial excitement of what was purportedly the first manned lunar expedition that a few photos revealed a mysterious shadow near Buzz Aldrin.

For decades there have been heated discussions within the scientific community as to what might have cast that strange shadow on the lunar surface. There have even been suggestions that the Apollo 11 mission was actually just a public relations exercise to conceal the fact that humans had already been on the moon long before July 1969. Indeed, in 1977 a sci-fi thriller called Capricorn One was released with a fake Mars landing as its central theme. Conspiracy buffs say the movie was inspired by insider talk that NASA was trying to cover up secret lunar operations dating back to the 1950s, including underground bases on the dark side of the moon.

Finally, after 47 years, we now know what object actually cast that mystery shadow on the moon... and who Buzz Aldrin was waving at...





"Hey there, young fella, what's your name... 
and what have you got, besides bananas?"

"My name is Mooniandy, sir, I come from Kerala.  
Would you like your bananas split, fried or blended 
with vanilla ice cream?"

Eat your heart out, Mamak Kutty.


[Photos courtesy of Shanghai Fish. First posted 6 October 2011, reposted 13 July 2014]



FORNICATE FOR FREEDOM! (repost)



James Thurber (pictured right), the late great humorist, wrote a book called: IS SEX NECESSARY? I doubt he satisfactorily answered the question - but he sure came up with some hilarious cartoons.

I’ve spent years investigating sex and heaps of energy exploring its possibilities. I’m tempted to conclude - after more than four decades of extensive research - that sex is utterly incomprehensible and only good for selling breath mints, condoms, and earthmoving equipment.

Nevertheless, I won’t succumb to that temptation. Because sex keeps your hair looking great and your breath fresh. Bad hair days and stale breath only happen when you haven’t been laid for a while. Besides, I’m a Reichian at heart. Dr Wilhelm Reich, the late great psychoanalyst and student of the Life Force, maintained that a community of sexually gratified adults would never tolerate a dictatorship. What does this reveal about sexuality in Najib’s (or should I say Rosmah's) Malaysia?

Cartoon by James Thurber
Sex has very little to do with LOVE - which is mainly about being comfortable enough with another person to be able fart freely and gleefully in their presence. In the old days kids were introduced to the forbidden topic via the birds and the bees. How utterly boring. Animals, insects and plants simply reproduce their species. They don’t have sex for sex’s sake, like humans do. With animals, insects and plants sex is merely procreational - with us, it’s recreational.


But, then, basketball, ping-pong, snooker and tenpin bowling are also recreational. Why aren’t humans content with banging a few balls around and competing for points? Have I discovered some other activity as pleasurable as sex? Indeed I have. Turn me loose in a studio equipped with a wild assortment of musical instruments. I could make music for hours, and then light a cigarette and listen ecstatically to the playback. Making music is a joy that lasts for years. One way to make sex last for years is to make BABIES - but we won’t get into that now.

Cartoon by James Thurber
Everybody knows sex has two occupational hazards: pregnancy and disease. The lubricated latex sheath popularly known as a condom is touted as a prophylactic against either condition. Politically correct young women these days carry condoms in their handbags. I suppose older guys keep tongkat ali in their pouches to suck on whenever an opportunity arises to display their tantric prowess.

Folks, there’s nothing ELECTRICAL about sex. Don’t believe all that mystical mumbo-jumbo. Sex is all mechanical pumping action - and we’re only hydrocarbon-protein machines. Feelings? Hrrrmph, just a fancy option, a fashion accessory, that’s all. And BIOMAGNETISM has little to do with the passionate desire to fuse with another aspect of oneself. But hold on a friggin’ second: aren’t we ultimately aspects of one another, somehow interconnected, genetically or karmically, etherically or financially, mythically or science-fictionally?

Forget it! Go ahead and rubberize your erotic experience! Lace your sexual intercourse with latex! Insulate your appendage (if you have one)! Better safe than swollen, heh heh!

Quite frankly, "safe sex” with condoms conducted in condominiums sounds like we’re more than halfway to hell. Some say danger is a potent aphrodisiac, and I’m no stranger to danger, though we don’t often meet (indeed, we tend to avoid each other). But amor omnia vincit. True love ultimately triumphs over tragedy, I say.


Of course, we could easily bypass all these sticky problems by breeding sex entirely out of our bastardized gene pool. Let’s sew up those tiny slits at birth. Lop off those dangly bits - why stop at prepuces? Within a few in vitro generations we won’t even remember we once “did it” just like the chimpanzee, the donkey, the duck, and the dog does it. Ah, let me wax lyrical here...

Never too late to self-castrate
And change your name to Fidel Castro.

Sweet is the date that grows on palms

And fills our calendars.

Why masturbate? Emancipate

Your hand from demeaning work.

We anticipate, as we replicate

Ourselves by scientific procedure,

A cleaner, purer world

Totally devoid of jerks.



My answer to James Thurber’s question: IS SEX NECESSARY? Probably not - but it’s essentially how humans experience Einstein’s Unified Field Theory. The urge to conjugate and unite is well-nigh irresistible, and our souls certainly derive nourishment from physical intimacy.

However, the insertion of fear and guilt into the copulation equation has made sex a mere commodity. Labies and genitalmen, we cannot allow that to happen. Fornicate FEARLESSLY and GUILTLESSLY and regain your freedom. At least from bad hair days and sewer breath.

[Originally published in the January 2005 edition of  VIDA! First posted 24 October 2013]



Monday, April 4, 2016

The negative karma of ill-gotten gains (updated)



My blogger friend Donplaypuks requested that I help publicize the despicable show trial wherein the Malaysian Association of Chinese Comedians aka MACC has been trying to inflict pain and confusion on Rosli Dahlan (right) - a lawyer who got sucked into this mess simply for acting as legal counsel for former CCID chief Ramli Yusoff, who happens to be former IGP Musa Hassan's arch-enemy and rival for the post of Top Cop. Din Merican has done a great job of providing a blow-by-blow account of the grotesque proceedings, having diligently attended every session at court.

There appears to be no end to the disgusting shit flying around the political arena.


Almost 7 years later, Teoh Beng Hock's untimely death while in MACC custody remains unexplained - and nobody has been charged with culpable homicide. The inquest plodded along at snail's pace, making a complete mockery of justice. And even after a Royal Commission of Inquiry was convened as a result of public pressure, it turned out to be merely a delay tactic - because not one of the MACC interrogators has been convicted of being an accessory to murder or even for gross abuse of power.

All those mysterious deaths in police custody - not only A. Kugan's which received wide publicity but so many others (including the shocking case of a 14-year-old boy shot in the back of his head in a late-night car chase) - and not a single PDRM head has rolled, only a couple of low-ranking patsies scapegoated (as usual).

The RM13 billion PKFZ scandal is in danger of being completely covered in cobwebs, now that the man who initiated an official investigation has lost his job as MCA president. True, retired warlord Ling Liong Sik is being trotted out to take the rap, but it remains to be seen how his trial proceeds. Will he bare his soul and help bring his fellow criminal conspirators to justice? It would delight me no end to see the Three Tuns audited and behind bars (instead of hanging around in pubs). You know which three Tuns I'm referring to: Mahathir, Daim and Abdullah Badawi. [Since this was written a far bigger scandal has superseded PKFZ, namely the monstrous 1MDB scam that has left a staggering national debt of more than RM42 billion. Money-laundering investigations are underway in at least 6 countries.]

After nearly 10 years, the ghost of Altantuya still haunts Putrajaya - and MACC, as to be expected, chickened out of its commitment to meeting P.I. Balasubramaniam in London. It's clear as day the trail of serious wrongdoing leads directly to Najib Razak's desk. The macabre Altantuya Affair, intimately linked as it is with the disgraceful Scorpene and Agosta submarines scandal, ought to have terminated the present corrupt regime - because they are all implicated in the cover-up.

And, of course, the entire world is still sniggering at Famous Anus jokes and asking why Anwar Ibrahim appears to have been singled out for the dubious honor of being the only Malaysian to be charged with sodomy - TWICE in 10 years! Let's not even mention the disgraceful farce that has passed for a trial - even if his surprise acquittal on 9 January 2012 was an unexpected U-turn, indicative of conflicts within Umno's top leadership.

Meanwhile the defence ministry nonchalantly carries on with the purchase of all kinds of useless and unserviceable ordnance - all at outrageously marked up prices - while RM300,000 jet engines go missing and yet another Indian gets scapegoated.

All this rampant corruption and injustice hogging the headlines leaves me speechless. What can I say (apart from Tak Boleh lah, Bolehland)?

I have friends who still earn monthly salaries working for BN-owned media (oh sure, your kids deserve the best education money can buy, so they can get well-paying jobs after they graduate with Apco Worldwide, Halliburton, or BP).

As for Vincent Tan's deal-gone-sour with Najib, frankly I don't give a shit. I have no personal bone to pick with Vincent Tan (left), even though rumors are rife that he was instrumental in financing the defection of Hee Yit Foong and the collapse of the Pakatan Rakyat state government in Perak. Just because Vincent Tan looks like a real tough hombre who drives a hard-nosed bargain doesn't mean he deserves to have his bloodline terminated (although I wouldn't protest too vigorously if Vincent and his fellow money-grubbing moguls like Rupert Murdoch swiftly became an extinct species on this planet).

3 years later a banner protesting the gold mine remains in place

Nor do I have a personal grudge against business tycoon Kam Woon Wah, erstwhile MCA secretary-general, whose son Andrew Kam Tai Yeow (left) is the guy behind the revival of the controversial Raub Australian Gold Mining Sdn Bhd (a subsidiary of London-based Peninsular Gold Ltd).

But I met some of the Bukit Koman residents spearheading the campaign against Andrew Kam's highly polluting gold mine outside Raub and was inspired by their courage and resolve to stop the operations against all odds. For a start, the Pahang royal house has shares in the venture, which might explain why the police saw fit to arrest and detain overnight those leading the protest against the toxic gold mine. However, the Bukit Koman residents remain undaunted, though at a loss as to what to do next. Word has it that there really isn't as much gold to be found as the investors had hoped, which could put them out of business sooner than they expect. One can only wish such sociopathic miscreants a spectacular failure.

Local residents point out the toxic gold mine

It's the same old tiresome scenario. Whether the villain of the piece happens to be Union Carbide in Bhopal, BP-Halliburton in the Gulf of Mexico, the Bakun Hydroelectric Project in Sarawak, the Three Gorges Dam in China, Peninsular Gold in Bukit Koman, Lynas Rare Earth in Gebeng, or bauxite mining near Kuantan - it's invariably a conspiracy of already rich folks trying to get even richer at the expense of ordinary citizens with no financial or political clout.

A beancurd factory is located less than 200 yards from the gold mine

What can I do about it - apart from keeping the story in the public eye? Just as I can't persuade billions of humans to turn their backs on fizzy drinks, commercialized football, and their pathological addiction to newspapers and TV, I doubt I can wean people off their compulsion to find gold and hoard it. especially not if their surname happens to be Kam (which, in Chinese, means "gold"). Who cares if toxic chemicals seep into the groundwater and the air is polluted with rash-inducing particles?

General view of Bukit Koman, a village just outside Raub in Pahang

It's painfully embarrassing that we have to suffer the grandiose extravagance of so many royal households - each with its grubby fingers in multiple business pies. Surely anyone receiving a generous allowance for simply existing would be well satisfied and refrain from soiling their hands with dubious and unsavory business ventures? Alas, this has not been the case - at least not since the Mahathir Era. Everybody wants to be another King Farouk or live in ungodly splendor like the Saudi Royals.

It doesn't matter how the money is obtained, how many are made to suffer the deleterious consequences - or what hideous ruin is inflicted on the environment.

Well, I can envisage a time when the only individuals entitled to royalty claims will be those who can produce works of beauty and enduring truth in the form of artifacts like films, music, literature, stimulating dance performances, inspiring murals, public sculptures, and magnificent buildings.

Raub Australian Gold Mining Sdn Bhd is hidden by the tall trees

Those who have accumulated their wealth through logging, mining, drilling, fracking, manufacturing junk, selling weaponry and accepting bribes will be universally marked as criminals and shunned wherever they go. I hope Taib Mahmud and Najib Razak's family is reading this. So be it.

[First published 29 June 2010, reposted 11 March 2012]

Sunday, April 3, 2016

A Message from Ferdinand the Jedi (repost)

NOTE TO THE NATIONAL FATWA COUNCIL: This is NOT a Tomboy, she's a new generation Jedi!

My dear friend,

You are needed in this tumultuous time. There is suffering, tragedy, and despair all around you, but you must see past it all. When you do, you will realize that we are winning.

Do not think that there is not enough time, that there simply aren't enough of us, or that "they" are just too powerful. This is all rubbish. The rulers control the banking system, but their "money" is printed on cotton and created out of thin air; it means nothing. They control the media, but once you have learned the truth, you become immune to falsehoods, distortions, and propaganda. There really is no going back to a life of ignorance. Every bit of information you have assimilated has changed you forever.


You know the path is difficult and fraught with danger. You should never underestimate the power of the Dark Side, especially in times like these. The practitioners of black magic are working tirelessly to push you toward fear, hatred, jealousy, anger, aggression and any emotion that brings you into lower states of being, away from the love of the universe. Be not attached to the material world around you, as it all falls to dust in the end. If you desire nothing and love all, then you cannot be corrupted by the Dark Side.

There is no reason to be afraid. The "powerful" people of this world have no power over you. You are a sovereign being shining brightly, illuminating the darkness that tries to creep in around you. "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter." You cede your power to others when you fear death, which drives all other fears. However, it is completely illogical and counterintuitive as death is the only certainty there is in life.

"Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not." Thus spake the Master Yoda.

Part of your power is your infectiousness. Every word you utter and every action you take affects the world around you. Even though there are many closed minds, there are still many open souls receptive to the waves of truth that emanate forth from your very presence. You can never be fully conscious of the full impact of the light you absorb, transform, and create, but you should know that your ripples extend in all directions into the waters of time further than you can possibly imagine.

Understand that you are the only you. There has never been, and will never be, another you. You are unique. And the entire world and all that you consider "reality" exists within you just as you exist within the world. You are connected with everything that exists and are one in the same. Your power and extent are limited only by your ego. Take from this what you will, but take only what you need.

Amazingly, there are others like you. Although it might seem like it sometimes, you are not alone in this world. There are currently more enlightened, spiritually evolved people on this planet than there have been for quite some time, if ever. And the numbers are continuously increasing despite the rampant materialism and consumerism of our culture, the poisoning of our food and water, and an educational system and media that discourage real critical thinking.

It is also hard to see the reality because the awakened ones are spread out across the globe in a thin layer. This distribution is in direct opposition to the centralization of power that is occurring with the Dark Side of the Force.

So whenever you start feeling pessimistic, realize that you have allies all over, the most powerful of which is the Force itself.* You know there is hope. But this hope lies not within any man, group, or ideology. It lies within you. This is the turning of the tide and humanity needs you. "Always in motion is the future."

Go and create your reality, and may the Force be with you!

Ferdinand the Jedi
9 October 2008

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* And we don't mean the PDRM!

[First posted 25 October 2008]