Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Girlfriend Dumps You For Actor?

Agony Ant! My girlfriend leave me for an actor! Summore he only new actor but act damm big shot!! We go for the cars party and sudenly he comes and talk to her… the hole time I stands there he smile at me ONE time and never looks at me after dat… he make the stupid jokes about this actors and that actors….. he is more bitch than the American Idol guy! One week after dat she break up with me! What so special about actors all the girls go GAGA?? How can I win her back? Do I must learn to be more bitch? – Dump in Damansara

Dear DID – I'm not surprised she dumped ya, bud. If you talk the way you write, she would have felt embarrassed to be seen and heard with you in classy circles. Enter an articulate “new actor” with a deep, plummy voice. Hmmm. I suggest you seriously upgrade your English, bud. Anyway, I detect a note of disappointment that the actor only smiled at you “ONE time.” Would you have dumped your girlfriend for him? Be honest now.

Hey, bud, look on the bright side (I'm fond of saying)… she's now hanging out with the actor… but how do you know it isn't just a platonic fling? After all, not all male actors are interested in girls that way. (Bud, I know how it feels to be dumped. My last girlfriend left me for a full-on psychotic. Mildly neurotic wasn't rough enough a ride for her.)

If she can dump you once, she’ll dump you a dozen times – so why bother?

Dear Agony Ant,

What a timely column! I have some questions for you. I know the DBKL’s list of guidelines for approval of scripts is quite demoralising and oppressive. But what's with the silence at the theatres this year? Are there not creative ways to get around these guidelines? Are our playwrights just not creative enough or are they on a strike? – John

Beats me, John. This lull you report – don’t forget 2004 has barely begun (in fact, Baha’is and Druids mark the start of the new Solar Year as March 21) – could be due to shockwaves from the recent smash hit, Election Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Voter. Patrick Teoh and Edwin R. Sumun were illuminating as Poda and Puke. Takes a while to recover from a plot as obvious as that.

But let’s look on the bright side. Fewer shows means theatergoers end up with more cash to spend on other things, like fashion accessories. Good time to invest in lifestyle products and services. Besides, playwrights are like durian trees. They don't fruit all year round. I bet they’re scratching their heads and crotches right now in front of their computers, looking for ‘creative ways to get around those guidelines.’ Give them a break, John. They deserve it.

Dear Agoniser: Your answer to Patrick Teoh's question on ‘Are theatre people elitists?’ was fascinating, but too long, dude, too long. Can you summarise? Personally, I think musicians are even more elitists. The classical guys won’t hang with the pop guys, the pop guys won’t hang with the underground rock guys, and the underground rock guys just hate the world. What gives? – Pop Goes The Weasel

First of all, Pop, I don't answer to the name, ‘Dude.’

In any case, better too long than too short, I always say.

You want a summary? Absolutely. Yup, that’s it.

As far as I’m concerned, musicians are people too – and people can ‘hang’ with whoever they want, it’s really none of our business who they consort with and who they don’t.

Now I can see why your last name is Dweezil!

5 April 2004