Thursday, November 6, 2008

5 Candidates for 6th Malaysian PM

Remember that "very intelligent" (or so he claims) 24-year-old subtitler named Kavilan who got everyone in stitches with his hysterically madcap Bee En Downfall Parody based on the Third Reich's final moments? Well, Kav just tagged me to name five of my favorite candidates for 6th Malaysian prime minister (and he doesn't care whether I'm serious or satirical).

And, as tag games go, Kav would like me to tag 5 other bloggers. Sheeesh, don't we already spend too much time online? But since Kav is such an ebullient young chap, bubbling over with zany wit and acute insights into local politics - and he seems set to make even bigger waves as an all-round agent provocateur - I figured it won't hurt to oblige. Besides, this could turn out quite fun. So here are my five choices for the next prime minister of Malaysia...




1. LATOK LAT @ Mohd Nor Khalid: With so many cartoon characters in the Cabinet, we really ought to have a master cartoonist as PM. Especially one listed among the World's Top 100 Cartoonists! I've known Lat for 38 years. He used to ride a noisy old Triumph motorcycle to work (he was on the crime desk at the NST in those days and the editors had no idea the kid could draw until they saw a feature on him in Asia Magazine). He was the only one who seemed impressed by the 450cc metallic purple 1948 BSA I owned (it had no rear shock absorbers so you can imagine how rattled I'd appear at the end of each ride).

We used to chill at a mutual friend's house in PJ, getting stoned and belting out a medley of Bob Dylan songs. A few years later some friends formed a bluegrass band called K.D. Possum & The Flying Fox and Lat joined us on lead guitar and bass (he was billed as "Nashville Slim" and he was damn good too, even crooned a couple of Johnny Cash songs occasionally). So with Lat as PM I'd have little to worry about. I doubt he'd ever ISA me. The worst that could happen if I refuse to giggle at his jokes might be he'd revert to calling me by my discarded User ID. Lat has a knack of injecting so much empathy and warmth into his caricatures. Nobody is evil in Lat's world (he could even make Dr M come across as lovable). After all the badmouthing and mudslinging that's been raging in local politics, Lat as PM would bring about genuine muhibbah and transform us all into true Malaysians.



2. SUFIAH YUSOF: Now this sexy young lady might be just what we need to instill a bit of discipline into our law enforcement thugs and bottom-pinching, child-molesting ministers. I know Sufiah charges £130 an hour for her services - which works out to £39,000 a month (or RM234,000). But she'd be worth every penny if she could whip the entire Cabinet into shape and turn civil servants into fine, upstanding members of society.

A former child prodigy in mathematics, Sufiah would be outstanding as finance minister too. In fact, with her undisputed multi-tasking skills, she could take over all the ministerial portfolios, thereby freeing the other MPs from tedious routine and allowing them the opportunity to take up healthy, useful hobbies like cycling, earthworm-breeding and yoga. The National Fatwa Council would be abolished and replaced with the National Fat-Reducing Council, with a special mandate to monitor the weight of all top rank bureaucrats. All those prone to obesity would be nominated as contestants in state-sponsored marathon fuckfests - or summoned to the PM's office after hours to perform national service.

Another distinct advantage of having Sufiah Yusof as PM would be getting Hannah Tan (left) as deputy PM. I've only ever bumped into Hannah once at the Actors Studio foyer in Bangsar and she came across as an extremely friendly and enchanting person with heaps of undiscovered potential.

As deputy PM her official duties would include doing what she's already does so well - which is to reassure Malaysians that there's no place like home. As DPM Hannah would also serve as our roving ambassador-at-large, luring more foreign investors to embark on joint ventures and breed more irresistible Pan-Asian beauties.



3. NURUL IZZAH ANWAR: Izzah is only 27 (she turns 28 on 19 November) and has been an MP for just eight months, but judging by her effortless poise and magnetic personality (she has nearly 5,000 friends on Facebook!) - not to mention her sparkling intelligence, maturity and dedication - she's already light years ahead of veteran politicos like Tengku Razaleigh - and every inch a natural-born Princess too. Put Nurul Izzah in a line-up with Rosmah Mansor, Rafidah Aziz, Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, Azalina Othman - and for good measure throw in the alluring Umno Princess Noraini Ahmad, the winsome Hannah Yeoh, and the indomitable Teresa Kok - and see just who the rakyat will nominate as prime ministerial candidate. Yup, Izzah is Daddy's Girl right down to her determination, her drive, her charismatic beauty and above all, her winning streak.



4. WAN AZIZAH ISMAIL: No other woman in Malaysia has done as much to demonstrate the quiet, gentle power of the Feminine Principle as former Opposition Leader Wan Azizah, fondly known as Kak Wan. She studied medicine at the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland and was awarded gold medals in obstretics and gynecology, but opted to graduate as an ophthamologist instead. When her husband was sacked as deputy PM and finance minister in September 1998, Wan Azizah rose to the occasion and led the Reformasi movement as president of Parti KeADILan Nasional (the National Justice Party, which later merged with Parti Rakyat Malaysia to form Parti Keadilan Rakyat or the People's Justice Party).

All through the difficult years when her husband was incarcerated and in grievous pain from an untreated spinal injury, Wan Azizah carried herself with courage, dignity and stoicism - and yet she had a warm smile and a kind word for everyone she met at ceramahs. The people of Malaysia not only hold Wan Azizah in the highest esteem, but wholeheartedly adore, respect, and trust her. Not given to raising her voice or using harsh words, this living embodiment of nobility and virtue is the complete antithesis of - and the perfect antidote to - the degeneracy, corruption and hypocrisy within Umno that crept in during the Mahathir administration (and which continues to block the way for truly inspiring leaders to take over). With Wan Azizah as PM this nation will experience a massive healing and be restored to its destined greatness.



5. DATO' SERI ANWAR IBRAHIM: Is he the world's most successful failure - or Malaysia's response to Barack Obama? How come he's still the Opposition Leader and not PM? And why did he insist in September that he had "the numbers" for a bloodless takeover of the federal government? Will Saiful Bukhari's sodomy accusation be exposed as a vile conspiracy and the whole ridiculous case thrown out - or will Anwar find himself sucked into a rerun of the same nightmare, like a Prometheus chained to a rock and subject to having his reputation devoured by a vulture named Mahathir for all eternity?

Anwar Ibrahim is undeniably a man of extraordinary destiny, whose life reads like classic mythology, and whose trials and tribulations have been epic, perhaps even messianic. Feared, mistrusted, slandered, betrayed, unjustly accused, cruelly arrested, brutalized, politically crucified and thrown in the dungeon for six long years - Anwar Ibrahim's resurrection and heroic return from the political wilderness is the very stuff of legends. Despite the jaw-dropping miracle he has wrought by pulling and holding together the diverse factions within the Pakatan Rakyat opposition coalition - facilitating the political tsunami of 8 March 2008 that swept away Umno/BN's hitherto unvanquished and behemoth monopoly on power - some Malaysians remain skeptical and continue to mock Anwar's publicly stated ambition to become PM.

I am certainly not one of them. Since 2 September 1998 - the day Anwar ceased to be DPM, finance minister and Umno bigwig - I have been observing the man closely and he has conducted himself impeccably as a spiritual warrior and visionary leader. From grudging admiration and growing respect, I have come to love the man as dearly as I love myself and my country. Yes, I believe and trust in Anwar Ibrahim and I have absolutely no qualms that he will prove the best prime minister for Malaysia at this juncture of our political evolution.

Go for it, bro - and keep smiling!

These are the five bloggers I'm tagging: donplaypuks®, Bodohland, Patrick Teoh, ShadowFox, and Sarawak Headhunter.

(I don't know why I didn't tag any female bloggers, which I'm generally inclined to do, but I trust some of the guys I've named herein will rectify this gender imbalance ;-)

14 comments:

Kavi said...

ya know.... Sufiah wudnt be a bad choice after all... i mean, how often we can get a PM whom we can all drool at? All we have now is a PM who drools while sleeping everywhere...

Covert_Operations'78 said...

Bravo! Totally *sick* choices. The right men and women for the job! I am totally in support of your choices. My lineup would have Dato' Dr. Salleh Mohd. Nor (MNS President), Ir. Gurmit Singh (CETDEM Chair), YB Hannah Yeoh, the entire SIS, and Malik Imtiaz Sarwar.

PS: Looks like I can't come to the River this month after all :o( Weekends all booked. Really sorry, Ant.

Fungus said...

Hahahaha!

What about Patrick Teoh??

kalimullah hassan said...

you had the screw the perfect line up with anwar huh ?

Jarod said...

aiyoh.. i tot it would be another HIGH CLIMAX posting of HOT chicks until u put in Anwar...hahah~

Anyway, Hannah Tan for PM! haha! at that time, no one will sleep at Parliament! :D

Antares said...

"Kalimullah" - Come on lah, Ghost With No Name Of Your Own, don't kacau kacau the living, please. Of course, you're welcome to visit anytime - in fact, I'm getting rather fond of you... so you'd better watch out!!! :-)

Jarod - Hannah Tan not quite PM material but DPM boleh when the New Dawn turns to Noon in Malaysia!

Anwar not hot ah? Quite hamsome wat.

Antares said...

Oh, sorry, forgot to say hi to Kavi, CO'78 & Fungus! - Too excited this morning hearing that RPK was FREE TO GO HOME!!! What a glorious day THIS has been :-) ;-) Double Joy!

peng said...

I will vote Latuk Lat too! He's my classmate, Sofia's brother. I went to his wedding in Sg.Rokam, Ipoh. That means, he won't ISAed me too la!

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

That was so entertaining. Fitting for my mood right this moment. Finally, unwinding after my full day and evening with a nightcap of Antares (at his best)!

Jarod said...

Add on: Talking about Nurul Izzah & CO and the rest of the UMNO "chix", i think you also see the differences right? PR side young and pretty, the "tumbang" side all wrinkles and their skin not shinning anymore... haha!

Hmmm... Kay, have da admit that ANWAR hensem! :p

patrickteoh said...

Hey, Antares. Thanks for tagging me, man. I enjoyed reading your list very much. YES!!!! Sufiah for Prime Minister! She gets my vote any day.

Antares said...

Peng - Ipoh mali ah? Haven't seen that Latok in a couple of years but I occasionally bump into his daughter Junaida & wife Fa'ezah at BSC.

Lita - big hugs & and I trust you woke up feeling bright & eager!

Patrick - Imagine what an honest country this would be when a high-class hooker gets to be PM. Talk about transparency! I'm sure Sufiah would preach what she practises - how to combine business with pleasure and work with play!
And all those drooling ulamaks will at last be allowed to reveal their true colors as incorrigible sex maniacs trying their darndest to be "good Muslims" just so they will be rewarded with their own luxurious harems in paradise. Look forward to seeing your picks :-)

fungus said...

I remember how Lat's cartoons usually included all the 3 races (sometimes more) and I agree how nobody seemed evil in all of them. They make me feel good and instill a sense of Malaysianess. He had the uncanny ability to deal with serious political issues with humour. Bet TDM was amused at himself too, no?

Lat is still my favourite cartoonist by far!

Those were the good old days...

Ariel said...

Anwar Ibrahim impressed me tremendously in his interview with Julian Assange on his Russia Times TV show. He got Julian to smile and you could see these two men were really relating to each other on a deep level. I can see why you've grown to love him, Antares. He has the breadth of vision and depth of character that comes from facing great hardship and commitment to principles.