Tuesday, January 12, 2010

My Pilgrimage to Bamboo River (Part 3)



For a whole week I was rolling around like a popiah (Chinese spring roll) in my own poo, subjected to the ultimate humiliation of having to be washed every morning like a newborn babe by cute nurses (male as well as female).

To add to my ego’s ultimate defeat, a condom-like device was affixed to my penis and that was how I had to pee, through a catheter and into a plastic bag slung beside my bed. Nothing sexy about this episode.

When I was transferred to the much quieter Room 24 of Ward 4A, I was elated to discover there was a bathroom within shuffling distance of my bed, with a very efficient hot water shower. I wasted no time taking my first solo shower in over a week.

First I dumped the adult diaper I had been made to wear, marveling at its contents. When you’ve been on a largely liquid diet of drips and juices for more than a week, your excrement doesn’t smell at all. Indeed, it appeared to me like some species of primordial ooze. Left undisturbed for a few weeks, new lifeforms might begin to evolve. Why not? Under the right circumstances, they just might - exactly the way some of us did, remember?

I had a fleeting vision of chocolatey homunculi detaching themselves from my poo and running about in abject confusion and despair. I could even hear teeny-weeny high-pitched voices imploring me, their Maker, to save them from eternal damnation: “We are sinners! Save our souls! We adore and worship you!”

My response was to turn the water volume up and watch the last particles flow down the drainhole towards fecal oblivion. What a memorable experience. To luxuriate under a hot shower for nearly an hour with no one knocking on the bathroom door yelling for you to hurry up.

Now I was fresh and clean and had acknowledged and befriended my own shit. I felt wide awake and totally alive.

It really did feel as if I had died and been reborn into a new octave of reality. My neural circuitry was gleaming… cleared of lifetimes of crud, and my Operating System was humming as if a lot more RAM had been integrated.

My data banks, having been thoroughly cleaned out, had been upgraded from gigabyte to terabyte (or even petabyte) capacity. You could say I had undergone a complete systems upgrade.

I didn’t really need to sleep. My brain was like a new-generation search engine with unlimited access to past, present and future data beyond the 3D Matrix. It felt like I was operating from the 9th dimension.


There were no taboos implanted in my brain functions. I could think whatever I liked without fear of prosecution. The Judge, the Archon, had retired. And without the Archon, the ancient power hierarchy no longer held sway over me.

The bliss of complete and authentic freedom was mine to enjoy.


I spent hours contemplating the possibility of persuading humans to go beyond vegetarianism into coprophagia – eating each other’s shit. Why not? If your thoughts are pure and your diet healthy, your excreta would pretty much be a protein and mineral-rich form of tofu. This would be the ultimate form of recycling – and it would allow us as a species to stop acting cruelly and violently towards other lifeforms.

We would never again have to destroy another to feed ourselves. Our days of butchery would finally be at an end. Indeed, we would be able to subsist on pure prana – on the Life Force itself – and actual food would always be revered and celebrated as a sacred feast, a veritable Eucharist.

I had fantasies about whose shit I would enjoy preparing for dinner. Have you ever been so turned on by anyone you would gladly eat their shit and then kiss their ass with gratitude?


I have... and I’m not ashamed to say so. Because I have broken all the chains of human convention and, like a Prometheus unbound by Hercules, am no longer chained to the rock of involuntary reincarnation, returning lifetime after lifetime in forgetfulness, futility and fear.

When nothing is censored, nothing disgusts and nothing is obscene.

So be it.

[Part 4]
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